People always like to ask, “What’s your why?” I think that’s a really important question, and I always ask my own clients the same thing. What brought them into their current business? What motivates them? These things help both me and the client get clarity on their vision for themselves and their business.
So, here’s my why, in case you’ve been wondering.
An American Origin Story
My story actually starts, like so many Americans, with my parents. They’re both immigrants: one from West Africa, and one from the Caribbean.
In the 1960s, they come to America to go to college, which is where they meet. Education is therefore always a part of my family’s story, and it becomes one of our most important family values. By age seven, I learn that education is one of the most important and powerful things I can have: In an unjust world, my education is the one thing that can’t be taken from me. I learn that education, knowledge, and school are the path to success, to respect, to finding myself. If I work hard and get a full education, all of the good things will follow.
And as a kid, I’m good at it. I pass all the tests, I read with an endless hunger, I learn how to learn and how to find answers and solutions. I excel in school whenever I try.
But I soon find myself trying less and less. I’m good at school, but I’m not motivated to do it. All that work only seems to lead to more work, and I start to wonder what the point is. And no one can really answer me in a concrete way. Even though I develop several academic strengths, including music, writing, and particularly math and physics, my grades start falling in high school, although I’m able to graduate and get into college, majoring in engineering.
Drifting, Drifting
There, the downward trajectory continues. I mean, I’m capable of doing the work, but somehow I can’t bring myself to bother doing it. I start failing classes left and right, and I don’t really even care.
And then I just can’t take it anymore. Two years in, I drop out of college. A few months later, I open my eyes, and I realize I’m doing drugs every day and I’m surrounded by people who have no ambition, no sense of self, no future.
And I’m one of them.
But my eyes are open. I do some soul-searching, and I realize that all my work in school thus far hasn’t been for me. It was just to live up to the family values, to my parents’ expectations. I also realize that I do have real interests, especially in reading in writing.
I have an AHA! moment: I can go back to school, but on my terms, and then I’ll find the success that’s been eluding me. So I do that. I somehow talk my way back into the university and change my major to English. I gain confidence, get really good grades, and earn my bachelor’s degree.
But I quickly learn that the degree itself is not success. That’s ok, though. I figure I can take my awesome self and go be a writer and have success that way. I move to Chicago, which is a great place for aspiring journalists–but not for kids who majored in English instead of journalism. But I don’t give up. I end up doing office work for a software publisher, making a pretty good living.
And I’m doing alright, but I feel like I’m still just going through the motions. I’m good at my work, but it becomes a chore. In spite of that, I have a mental breakthrough: we are a social species, and communication is the key to everything we do. I keep writing, and in fact I keep learning, taking classes in magazine writing, comedy writing, poetry, you name it. Eventually a pair of mentors help me see that I’m still looking for more, and I go back to school.
Image by Luster Optics
Welcome Back
And when I go back to school on my own terms, I really become a changed person. I get straight A’s. I take on leadership positions. I go to conferences. I even organize conferences. And of course, I earn a master’s degree. In fact, very quickly I go on to get a Ph.D., get married, and find a great academic job at a college. I have all the things that are supposed to come from hard work and a strong education.
But this success doesn’t really feel successful. I have my achievements, I have the respect of my colleagues, I have a family. I’m working my butt off, and too often it still feels like I’m just going through the motions.
And then it all just falls apart. Suddenly my career slips from full-time to part-time, I’m getting divorced, and all the education in the world is doing me no good. I’m still working, but I’m struggling to get by and my life is just as directionless as it was back when I dropped out of college.
What It’s All About
Then the most interesting thing happens. I have a teaching tradition: in the middle of each semester I have all of my college English classes ask me anything they want. It’s a chance for them to get clear on material that doesn’t make sense so far, or to explore ideas further. But I allow them to literally ask me just about anything, and I promise that I’ll answer any question that isn’t inappropriate. And as happens with 18-year-olds, I get a bunch of random questions, like:
- Why do you wear such colorful socks? (My answer: why not?)
- How many foreign countries have you visited? (Ten.)
- What’s your favorite movie? (Too many to name, but I always say The Matrix.)
And one day this young man stands up and asks me, “What’s the meaning of life?” He’s trying to be cheeky. But the question isn’t inappropriate, so I look at him for a moment and then throw out something about how the question should really be “What’s the meaning of your life,” and that it’s up to him to decide what that should be.
The students are satisfied with the answer. But the question sticks with me all day and into the night. I feel like there should be more to it than that, and it just won’t let me go. It won’t let me sleep. So I sit up, look back over my experiences, my knowledge, all the research I’ve done over the years. And I come up with three important ideas about life.
Count It Out
First, life is rare. Science tells us the universe is unimaginably huge. Whether you believe there’s other life out there or not, we haven’t really come across any. So at least for now, life is special simply because there isn’t a whole lot of it in the grand scheme of things. But there’s plenty of room for more.
Second, life is generative. Another thing science tells us is that the universe tends to move toward death, decay, and destruction–the idea of entropy. But life is the one thing that creates, reproduces, and grows. It actively fights entropy. Life is special because, even though individual lives end, life itself never truly has to end if we embrace and support its generative power.
Third, life is hard. You can see it with science, you can see it with philosophy and religion, or you can simply see it with your own eyes. In order to grow and thrive, both individual lives and the life force in general have to struggle against the forces of entropy. That’s why even though life is generative, it’s still rare.
And then I realize what I’ve been doing wrong. All my life, I’ve been working and studying hard because I thought that would create success on its own. But I finally see that my seven-year-old self didn’t get the whole lesson. Yes, work hard, because life is hard and anything worthwhile takes effort. But work for its own sake isn’t of any real value. The work gets things done, but the education allows me to create, to take the generative life force, make something with it, and increase its power in the world.
Making It My Own
In that moment, everything changes for me. I see the world differently. Instead of just constantly working, my life becomes a work of art that I’m constantly creating and re-creating. And everything shifts. My relationships–with my parents, my siblings, my kids, even my ex–all improve. I finally find a real sense of direction. I understand that although I’m a teacher, what I have to offer is more than just an understanding of grammar and vocabulary. I have taken this incredible life path, developed a set of skills both wide and deep, and I can use what I’ve learned to help others improve their lives and the world. Communication is the key to everything, and I can teach people to communicate better. With everything that I’ve learned, I can meet them where they are and empower them, help them master their own message. With that in mind, I leave academia, and I start my own business.
Image by Luster Optics
And here I am. I take this idea of meeting people where they are to take them to mastery of their message, and I turn it into the process that I now call the Four-Square Integrated Content Framework. And suddenly I don’t have to chase clients. They come to me. I’ve had other entrepreneurs show up out of the blue offering to contribute content to my enterprise. By using my education to create something of growth value, I end up attracting even more of the things that create growth. My work no longer feels like work. I gain strength by lifting others up, and I am proud of all of it.
What’s your why? Zeno Effect Media can help teach you how to tell your story.
Schedule a free consultation or call 805-394-8440 now!
Zeno Effect Media 